| Everything's Over.... |
[26 Jul 2007|01:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
From the time I have posted my last entry, a lot of things happened already...
The latest of all was that EX and M had punched each other in front of a lot of people outside our house and EX and his family accusing me of having an affair with M, but of course they don't have proof of it...just accusations...That was on top of my recent major operation. I still am recovering from 1. My removed right fallopian tube 2. Being without M anymore because he was punched in the face by ex. Although he had a slight scratch, ex had a major cut on his face, head and neck...
Everything happy and heavenly suddenly came to a grinding halt. It's so sad how I have to end it with M, or maybe, its not yet the end. We told no goodbyes...No goodbyes ...
|
|
| the life i want to leave behind.... |
[16 May 2007|11:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
My journal...these are the things I wrote while I was with my ex-husband...I put dates on it for me to remember how I felt at that moment...I suddenly realized that I have felt this way for quite a long time... I just did not realize it sooner...
So, this is a part of what I used to feel back then,my other journls were left behind, some journals were confiscated and destroyed by them,
This is how I was....
18 July 2000
I just couldnt believe that now am a mother, that a child was born from me, of course the experience of labor & delivery were horrible but the moment I saw my child my heart sort of leaped. Then I realized that it was "meant to be". Suddenly everything around me changed, I know I love my son but I could not imagine how much, maybe I'm still confused about my life, but one thing is for sure, this is reral, its happenning and I'm on it. Whatever happens in the future, whatwever the outcome of my actions may be, I know it's all part of the game called...Life.
======
hmmm...not bad for my first entry.
|
|
| Im feeling good... |
[10 May 2007|09:10am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
haayy...last night, M texted me..we haven't seen each other for a long time, (err...4 days) then he texted these exact words... "Be, can I meet u later?"
and obviously I said "I would love to"...and to cut the story short..we did...
hayy..well the meeting place is not romantic at all..hahaha it was at the entrance of Robinson's Pioneer(my office is actually just a stone's throw away)..and I was texting on my phone, I did not see him come. He came up to me with a kiss (on the lips, near the entrance of that mall) and 3 white roses all wrapped up...Omg! This might sound so immature..but Gosh I was so kilig!!!
======
|
|
| Fix you |
[07 May 2007|06:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cold |
] |
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
|
|
| Linger |
[07 May 2007|06:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 gloomy |
] |
if you, if you could return
Don't let it burn, don't let it fade
I'm sure I'm not being rude
But it's just your attitude
It's tearing me apart It's ruining everything
I swore, I swore I would be true
And honey so did you
So why were you holding her hand
Is that the way we stand
Were you lying all the time
Was it just a game to you
(chorus)
But I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to let it linger
Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong, but I was wrong
If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldn't be so confused
And I wouldn't feel so used
But you always really knew
I just wanna be with you
|
|
|
[04 May 2007|05:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 touched |
] |
hmmm.....
Learn from the mistakes of others- you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
Nothing is embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done
-Sam Ewing in Mature Living
Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment
- Oprah Winfrey
An act of goodness surpasses a thousand prayers.
- Sa'di
The whole thing is to keep on working, and pretty soon they'll think you're good.
- Jack Nicholson
If ever you need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.
Anytime you see someone more succesful than you are, they are doing something that you aren't
-Malcolm X
We are only so unhappy because we insist on believing that the whole reason of life is happiness.
The main problem with lying is that liars rarely find themselves able to believe anyone else.
A life without calm is a life without soul.
Alife without soul is like an empty sack.
An empty sack cannot stand upright.
======
|
|
| Life goes on.... |
[04 May 2007|11:35am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribable |
] |
I am late today (yet again) as always...My boss is not happy about it and he made sure I get the point. What he asked B (my officemate) to do is compile all the tardiness we had for the whole year and deduct from our salary the time the company paid us for the days we were late...I feel depressed and bored today.
======
Your life either sheds light or casts a shadow....
For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness....
Difficulties tend to call out good qualities...
Anger is just one letter short of danger...
We don't need more to be thankful for, we just need to be more thankful...
use the past as a spring board, not a sofa....
True love dares to confront and correct...
To get rid of a bad habit, start a good one...
When trouble grows, your character shows...
In the beginning we make our habits; in the end our habits make us...
A small light can dispell great darkness...
Those who have suffered are best able to help those who are suffering...
Destroy Gossip by ignoring it...
To stay youthful, stay useful...
Don't spend time, invest it.
You may give wothout loving but you can't love without giving...
Now abide faith, hope, love, these three but the greatest of these is love...
======
I got these lovely quotes from Our Daily Bread, the one I got for free when I bought shoes from Celine (Shang-ri La)
|
|
| Everything- Alanis Morissette |
[03 May 2007|09:30am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
ecstatic |
] |
I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby,
and you've never met anyone as as, negative as i am sometimes
i am the wisest woman you've ever met
i am the kindest soul with whom you've connected
i have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
and you've never met anyone
Who is as positive as I am sometimes
you see everything you see every part
you see all my light and you love my dark
you dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
i blame everyone else & not my own partaking
my passive aggressive-ness can be devastating
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
and you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes
you see everything you see every part
you see all my light and you love my dark
you dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
What I resist persists and speaks louder than i know
What i resist you love no matter how low or high I go
you see everything you see every part
you see all my light and you love my dark
you dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here ....
======
I like this song so much....
|
|
| Dilemma.... |
[30 Apr 2007|08:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
Im confused :-( .... I feel happy and sad at the same time. I feel happy because Im finally moving on from a failed marriage, sad because my family do not understand how much I suffered and that now I am making up for the lost time (and youth) that passed while I was married (technically, I still am). I go home very late at night (or early morning) from night outs with officemates and to be with M. I think I'm falling inlove (yet again) with him. My family does not approve of my going out (err...almost every night).
Over the weekend, I have been good, going home as early as I can and in fact I was good from Thursday to Saturday, come Sunday night, I went to a salon to have my hair done then I went off to see M. All my sadness seem to disappear when I'm with him, be it chillin' out in a bar, eating tapsi in crossing, watchin him flex in the gym or just hanging out installing stuff in his PC, it doesnt matter, I just feel relaxed when we're togather, I don't care if this is what they call the "rebound" stage, all I care about is how he makes me feel...oh I have an old picture of him.I'll post it here when Im done with this entry.
Well, I dunno if this is gonna last, all I know is that I'm loving what's happening with me and M right now....
This is M. The man who saved me from the path of bitterness.... I think I love him, but my family does not approve of it....Maybe that is why I still feel a bit confused...Maybe my family is right that I should not be with him.....but what if they are wrong, will I risk giving up my potential true love because my family said so?
======
|
|
| Weekend blues.... |
[27 Apr 2007|05:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
OMFG! Friday nanaman! I don't like the weekends, I get to think of the things that depress me...sometimes I wish that it would be Monday after Friday so that I could skip the Saturday and Sunday part of the week. Maybe I should start a hobby...hmm. Does money-making (in any way) be a good hobby?...hmmm...
======
Yesterday I got an e-mail from a former co-worker, it's a chain e-mail...err..a joke chain e-mail...anyway here it goes: THE LUCKY JOKE: This is a joke that should bring you luck.
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse
full of money. She wanted to open a savingsaccount and insisted on talking to the president of the Bankbecause, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always
right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's
office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She
placed her purse on his desk and replied,"$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly womanreplied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"
The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was
impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the
president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"
"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my
testicles are not square."
"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money
involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow
morning with my lawyer as a witness."
"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about the bet
and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his
testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over
again and again until he was positive that no one could
consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no
way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman
arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and
acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the
president's testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one
made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to
drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and
asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the
president. "Given the amount of money involved, you
should be 100% sure."
The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the
president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against
the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that
and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around
10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the
balls of the President of the Bank of Canada !"
======
Harhar!! The old woman was lucky, I wanna hold the balls of that canadian bank president myself...
|
|
| Freedom Starts Today |
[26 Apr 2007|11:13am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 apathetic |
] |
Light in the path of Bitterness...
Today I was able to talk with my soon to be ex-mother-in-law. I am therefore calling her S in this entry. We talked about how the things got bitter between me and my soon to be ex-husband. Today S knew how his son damaged me almost beyond repair. It's not about the physical scars of abuse, it is more on the psychological and emotional wounds that left me wondering why I even married that pathetic excuse for a man, how he blackmails me that he would commit suicide and I am to be blamed, how he calls me names, how he literally pushes me against the wall...all in the name of love...
How he strangled me with his bear hands twice in a night, how he threatened to kill me and my two sleeping kids with a rusty samurai inside his parents room (which we used because it is bigger than his original room) in his parents house. How petty his claim was when asked why he did it.... It was because I wanted to go to the birthday celebration of my (girl) officemate. How he is accusing me of having a malicious relationship with my boss. How he hurts me if I ever come near or even talk on the phone with an old classmate who also happens to be a girl. How he lied to me about him actually having a job, a store and that he already enrolled our son in a school which in fact are not true... I could go on forever on the reasons why I left their house and never came back.
S and I talked for a good two hours and all she could say was...oh, she said a lot of things...like why didn't I tell them what was happening, I thought to myself, "well I could have told you but then I do not want you to meddle because you meddle too much already and partly, I blame you because you let your psychotic son grow up to be spineless pathetic creature with serious anger management issues and that you denied to yourselves and to the whole world that your son is one..." but instead I fell silent. S told me that I have moved on already, as a matter of fact, I have, with the help of a real man who took me from the path of bitterness into pure bliss, thank you very much...
S said to me that her son is in desperation and did not know what to do, that's why he invented tall stories about himself, and that her son loves me and how he is hurting and could not move on, could not even look t another woman except me...
How typical of them! I stopped myself from actually clapping my hands to mock her twisted motherly love.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
brand_alcohol's journal
amused
